I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
