I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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