is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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