birth control should be required to get into college
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
