Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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