aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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