If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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