Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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