Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
