Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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