So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
