alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
