I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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