Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
