its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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