this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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