Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dick very happy bro
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
