shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
