What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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