And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
