we're chasing vodka with high fives
there's paper in my vomit.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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