Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
