it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
