Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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