and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
