please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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