I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
