My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
