Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
