OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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