the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think my moral compass just broke
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
