I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
