Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
