toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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