Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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