HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
