i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
