break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
