If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
