Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
