Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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