Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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