today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
