I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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