Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
