I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
