He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
