Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was CRYING into my vagina
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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