he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
