we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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