I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
