Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i believe in u and ur pee
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
