I want to walk on stilts...naked
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
