had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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