Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
