the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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