Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
