They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
