So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
