She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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