i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
