This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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