Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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