I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
