You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
