At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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