I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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