The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
