Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
