I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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