This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
