Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
