I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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