Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
