We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
