dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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