maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
