i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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