I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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