sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
