The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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