I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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