I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
