she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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