i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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