he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
