Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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