I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
