And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
