So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize