JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
